That's a pretty nice attempt for your first wallpaper. Representing characters like that is really nostalgic to me as I used to do the same thing..but in signatures/tags. I hope I don't have too much critics on you for things you could improve and scare you. No, no, no, that is not my intend ^^;
Just what are those weird horizontal lines I see all over the place? I hope you didn't do that on purpose since they kind of ruin it as is. Please fix it, it really doesn't fit in. If you want to change the overal lighting, play around with white/black + gradient tool + occupacity + blend modes. It can do wonders to your piece..just...no more lines like that unless its very purposely done to make the piece better.
The background, although empty sets a warm mood which fits really nice with the background picture itself. The dots make it more "firey" and give off more warmth. For that reason, I am not sure if it was a good idea to use 2 Asuna's. Don't do it to fill up the blank space which you might not be able to fill. You can always make it more "flashy" on one part to the point that it is no longer needed to fill up the blank space (see tag:minimalism).
Frontal image: Taking a good look at your extraction of the render. I see quite a lot of white on the edges (easy to spot on parts that are sharp/pointy. Surely, the glow covers it up quite a bit (smart move) but it wasn't able to fool me. When you extract an image, try using the pen tool or polygonal lasso tool to get rid of the edges. Layer Masking also works a lot as a back-up. Still got some white edges? Use a 1px inner stroke with the same black colour of the actual outlines to cover them up. Save file for web as png when done.
Text: Wallpapers are different than you might think. Most people prefer to have no text at all or a really, really good piece of text that enhances and fits in the overal image. In your case, it is one of those where I get the feeling of "I had to put text in it". No! That's wrong! Just don't do it in that case. The text is important as it can make or break it. This time it's the latter (could make it with practice, try making a wallpaper with text first, then see if it really fits in or go textless in the final, you'll get the hang of it after some time).
All in all, could you please update your wallpaper with atleast: getting rid of the white lines mainly around the hair of the right Asuna, get rid of the horizontal lines and get rid of the text will already do so much on making it better?
For more changes, the whole wallpaper would need to be changed (getting rid of one of the Asuna's and make a good background from scratch, which would improve the overal focus on the piece), but it could be much appreciated. Leave me a message if you want to give it a try, I'll guide you to it.
