Original Wallpaper: .:I Had Lost Myself:.

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Dedicated to my best friends
I've lost myself. I've lost myself in this vast crowd.
There are lots of people walking in a hurry, others walking very slowly.
There are even people completely stopped. It's a lot of people...
They all walk their own paths. They walk towards the future...towards tomorrow...
All, except those who have stopped...that are standing still, quietly...
Why are they like this? Are they tired? No strength left? Are they discouraged? Or they simply fell down and can't get up? Or are they afraid of giving a single step forward? And those walking? Why are they doing that?
I've lost myself. I do not know if I shall continue walking forward....towards tomorrow...
Because right now..I've stopped. I've stopped walking and became a simple statue like the other people around me.
We, who are standing still, are of a lesser amount.
Why did I do this?
My pride has been stepped on, my will crushed...the eyes that I use to observe my surroundings have been ripped....the words I use to communicate have been cut....my sympathy and good mood are now bitter....I've become cold...
Are these the reasons I stopped? Or is it simply the fear of continuing to fight?

(Forgive my poor english in the text above)
This was something I wrote while I had that depression last year (which ended near February).

This is an original work of mine. It began when I saw a simple mask falling down in Persona's second opening. I love the simbology masks can have, and I decided to do something with it.

I did the sketch on Photoshop here and vectored it (and the mask). I was too lazy to vector the wavy hair like I originally planned, so it ended up being rather simple.

It's mostly brushwork, that's why it is a bit blurred. Used the dodge tool to make the highlights on the skirt and socks.

I had a lot of problems for the background. I didn't have any imagination at all. All I could see was black, but I wanted to put shadows so black wasn't a good choice. I made several studies, but failed.
Erika came up with an idea that involved water and reflections. I went with that idea, but I still thought something was missing...
So this is all I could come up with. Floor, shadows, the girl walking towards "the light" XD , meaning a new beginning.

I hate hypocrisy and lies. I hated myself for pretending to be fine when I had this huge depression. This work represents that part of my life. No more acting. I explained to my friends my situation but only a few answered back...I dropped the mask of "happy girl" and fought...again...

C&C is welcome as always. Especially about backgrounds....I suck at bgs (mostly at perspective XD)
Other Versions
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  1. ASH-Hikari Jul 03, 2008

    ...wow 0_0 You just really got me with this wall. Mostly with what you wrote at the top there. Because I can relate to it so much, it's freaky. I've stopped walking. I'm standing still. And I'm still wearing the mask. I know what it's like to be there. So of course this wall has totally captured me. And I'm amazed this is an original. It's awesome; the painty vector, the warped perspective, the mask symbolism. The whole thing is awesome! A new big fave for me. Wonderful work Kairi-chan.

  2. Kitaan Retired Moderator Jul 03, 2008

    Wow, I agree with Ash on this one...so much emotion
    and it seems you've hit us both spot on. I also understand so
    greatly what it feels like to be there in that cold street. You've
    captured such a deep feeling in this wall and it almost makes me kinda
    feel like a crybaby right now ^^;

    Great job making, constructing and putting it all
    together. I've felt it but wasn't able to wall it and I'm
    really happy to see someone was able to get "that" feeling out.
    Great job, it's so awesome <3

  3. melymay Jul 03, 2008

    Lovely job. The emotion you went for is definitely there. It gives a sad feeling, but most of all hope. Great work :)

  4. christabel92 Jul 03, 2008

    This wall is so cool..I like the idea very much...
    I like the text you wrote there...it's so full of emotion...Good job,Kairi-san :D

  5. erikamirou Jul 03, 2008

    aaawwwww I'm touched >///< <33
    I glad you endend up choosing this background, 'cause it suits very well with the original vector :)
    I really loved it and you know it XD
    Thanks for the dedication, I really appreciate it :)

  6. kiratakakashi7890 Banned Member Jul 03, 2008

    oh my! who is she? from persona?!i think she's the 'ayane-chan'!......(just a guest!)
    where did you get this mask for the background?!
    seems familiar......(thinking......)
    this is a work of art! i know it! gonna be my next layout!on friendster!

  7. ArtificialRaindrop Jul 03, 2008

    Before I had even read your poem, the thought that came to me when I saw the full picture was "no more running..." Maybe it's the way she seems to be walking away with the mask on the floor behind her, there's so much resolve and emotion in this piece. Now I can see that you're both a poet with words and other mediums of art ^_^

  8. dollyespinal Jul 03, 2008

    I like the idea! XD simple and very expressive! :)

  9. darkeve Jul 03, 2008

    nice xD

  10. Hanahanoiday Jul 04, 2008

    Yeah...it is impossible,this can so wonderful be.I goggle at it only,how is this fantastic,originality is fully on the top of arts.Invented is this superbly.You're amazing,beautiful job.+fav

  11. Sinever Jul 05, 2008

    love your vector & your wall is simply amazing :)
    well done & its a fav XD
    plus its a highlight ;)

  12. Omone Jul 08, 2008

    This work of you is really awesome.
    I like the painting style.
    It's full of emotions and the text you wrote is also great.
    Well, I have to admit I can relate to it.

  13. StudBoy200 Jul 14, 2008

    The orange hair and the mask reminds me of code geass r2 episode 13

  14. Tifa-chan Jul 15, 2008

    i loved this mask on the floor *-* very nice!

  15. YoruAngel866 Jul 23, 2008

    cant believe i forgot to comment this.
    drawing is so cool and i especially like the mask. :D
    great job!

  16. moonescape Aug 07, 2008

    wow, this is very moving... something about the wallpaper itself especially... I'm surprised that this is original too. Really well done. Better drawing + computer skills than I ever can combined. T_T

  17. Sabbathiel Sep 16, 2008

    Reallly awesome work... few elements but the final effect looks amazing.... mystery and dramatic. About technical side of this work I can't write anything bad... it really is good made and very well detailed in most important tiles. I love this idea!

  18. hawkangel Feb 14, 2009

    i enjoyed this piece a lot, i think it's really beautiful, and i love the mask, it's so pretty

  19. icetee Feb 28, 2009

    wow, that's cool.

  20. Sakura-Rabbit07 Dec 11, 2009

    I so sad yet pretty
    it even has a sort of loli-fashion theme to it^^

  21. frei-chan Mar 30, 2010

    WOW. epic.
    This is really good!

  22. pl94 Mute Member Oct 29, 2010

    Great wallpaper! thanks for sharing! =D

  23. lupinchan Apr 30, 2011

    i think i saw that mask somewhere

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