great to see a doujinshi from u

well what could i say about this.. u have go the elements that would make this a fairly good drawing ( like the eye or the characteristic curly-ended hair ) but what the picture lacks is the well planned-out structure. This picture reminds me of some of my early works.. where i was focusing too much on one detail and forgetting the structure and general balance of the work... before u know it perspective was obscure and proportions were ridiculous.
To avoid this draw lightly a "stick skeleton" before hand on the paper. also make the "plan of face" before hand with line for eye-level etc.

waiting to see more... oh and if u have time please comment on my pics