The version with Haruhi is more personal and looks less technical. I think the main problem with this image is its high technical and static factor that makes it seem as if it was rendered with a 3D program. Everything seems too polished and perfectly executed so that the image lacks a 'soul'. I think you should have added some irregularities to make it look more artistic. Backgrounds in anime for example are never perfectly drawn but have those nice irregularities (even in Suzumiya anime) - especially buildings.
Other than that it is a very diligently made piece of work. You surely have put a lot of time into it.
One tip: Setting the vanishing point slightly off the picture's middle makes it look more dynamic as well.